They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
