so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
