we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Who died my cat blue again?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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