Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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