i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
