Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
