He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
