in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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