so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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