I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
