Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
