I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
