we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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