So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
