I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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