You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
