Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
