I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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