You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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