Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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