She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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