Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
