Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
