i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
