ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you made out with another girl for some wings
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
