oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
