my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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