ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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