Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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