Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
