Just cropdusted the office
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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