look no pants
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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