Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
