It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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