God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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