and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
