ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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