Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
