You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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