I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.