someone threw a dead crab at me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize