I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
