in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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