I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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