Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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