We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
