Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
