I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
