ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
