is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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