They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
