im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
