This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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