Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
