is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
