She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
