But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
