Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
