I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
