well I can't set my house on fire every night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
