And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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