Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
