what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
