Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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