do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
