She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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