dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
