I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
