We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
