Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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