I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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