so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize