How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hippo gnu deer
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
