I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize
