I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
